To reduce the dissonance, the victim will choose the path of least resistance, and their motivational drive will support their beliefs and justify any decision that helps them stay safe.Īs you can imagine, the cognitive dissonance can lead to irrational decision making as the person struggles to reconcile these two conflicting beliefs. In the cognitive dissonance theory, the decision that decides which path the victim will take is likely to be the path that causes the least emotional stress. the victim knows that they should get out of the abusive situation, but they also know that to do so will put them (and possibly their children) in great danger and hardship. Their “cognitive dissonance” is a sign of the disharmony the victim is experiencing because of two conflicting ideas going on at the same time i.e. The result is that a massive draining conflict ensues between the person’s emotional self and their rational reasoning self. This inner dialogue reduced her anxiety, allowing her to trauma bond (Stockholm Syndrome) with her abuser, to the point that she will even protect him from the outside world if people attempt to rescue her or encourage her to leave. It can also help in hiding her shame of being in such a dysfunctional relationship, something that she does not want others to know. It can also allow her to shift the blame for any injustices in the relationship away from the narcissist (because it is too dangerous to accuse him) to either herself or another victim. Of course, this reframing of abuse as ‘love and kindness’ is simply an extreme form of everyday denial, and it can take many forms.įor example, it can manifest itself in a way that allows her to convince herself that the relationship is still in the idealisation stage when, in fact, it has moved into the devaluing stage. The cognitive dissonance shows itself through rationalization of the truth and denial: On the one hand: she abhors her unhealthy relationship and all the abuse that goes with it (truth) while on the other hand, she tells herself that he only fights with her because he loves and cares for her (denial). However, with the real fear of a violent reprisal from her captor, if she tried to leave, she will more likely choose to stay put. Naturally, people do not like the discomfort of conflicting thoughts this theory proposes that when this happens, people have a motivational drive within them that allows them to rationalize and change their attitudes, beliefs, values, and actions, anything that allows them to reduce or dissolve the dissonance they are experiencing.įor example, a woman who is being abused by her narcissistic spouse will hate the conditions she is living in. Simply speaking, cognitive dissonance is the discomfort a person experiences whenever they are holding two conflicting ideas simultaneously.

The concept of cognitive dissonance is almost self-explanatory by its title: ‘Cognitive’ is to do with thinking (or the mind) while ‘dissonance’ is concerned with inconsistencies or conflicts. The cognitive dissonance really results from the victim having two conflicting thoughts at the same time, or from engaging in behaviour that conflicts with their beliefs and values.

It is a common defence mechanism that the victim uses for coping with the deception, domination and abuse that occurs in such a relationship. Cognitive Dissonance is a psychological term that describes the uncomfortable tension that victims experience when in a relationship with a narcissist it is not something that happens in healthy relationships.

Trauma bond definition